Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
