If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
