Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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