Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
