There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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