Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
