It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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