between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
