You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
