i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
