She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
