you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
