There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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