maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
whose parrot is this?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
