i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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