Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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