we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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