the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
