i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
