haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
