Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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