I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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