He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The best revenge is premature balding
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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