They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
