I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
