sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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