he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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