Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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