i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
