I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
