You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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