You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
