don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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