I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
