I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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