I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
