She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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