His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
