So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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