My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
