i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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