It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
