when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I FOUND THE LEGS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
