those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
