Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
