Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my poor anus
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
