I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will pee on everything he values.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
