PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
