Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize