So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
