The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed