Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.