Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself