the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
