Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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