i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
