My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
