it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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