I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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