I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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