I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
