It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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