i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
