we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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