I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
