apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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