I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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