sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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