remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
