Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
